Observations and Perspectives on Life Reflected on Children

As I get older in life, and presumably wiser, I grow more in awe of life around me.

Stop for a moment and listen. Breathe. Look around.

The beauty around us is enough to make anyone weep with joy!

On the other end to that spectrum, the evil around us is enough to weep with anger and sadness!

Our children grow faster than the speed of light. They start becoming little persons. They start stating their honest opinion of things whether we like it or not. These sponges now have a voice of their own. Who helped to mold and shape that little person?

 

Mine looked like this:

 

 

Now they look like this:

 

 

and this:

 

 

 

Our children become mirror images of us. We need to remember that they constantly feel our vibes. They learn from our love…AND our hatred. A little sarcastic or a snide remark in passing that we don’t think matters… matters to them. On the other side to that coin, they also learn from us when we do pleasant things. For example, when we do something for someone without being asked or give an honest compliment, they see it and it sticks with them. Contrariwise, they get confused when they see us doing something nice for one person, yet acting terrible to another.

A child who sees their parents show appropriate affection to each other will in turn look for that in a partner. A child whose parents outwardly show hatred towards something will also mirror the same. I’m not just talking racism and intolerance, I’m also talking hatred towards other human beings whether it be to the other parent, family member or complete stranger.

Parenthood is rocky. You have all-time highs and intense lows. You have constant lack of sleep. From the time they are a newborn until they are adults you lose sleep for SO many reasons in EVERY stage of childhood.  You are burdened by financial and moral dilemmas. You are upset over something at work or something your spouse said/did. All of these worries and you still muddle through.

You, indeed, are trying your best. But is your best good enough?

Parents are quick to say, “I’m being the best parent that I can.” Yet we see those same parents and their children making terrible, snide comments or violent behavior, which they don’t even FEEL is inappropriate.

THEY DON’T SEE IT!!! That’s the sad part! They don’t even realize it!!

Negativity begets negativity. Positivity begets positivity.

 

Children will remember that specific negative or positive moment and dwell on it consciously or subconsciously.

Now, I’m the first to admit that I am a little naïve. The nativity comes from a good place, though, in my humble opinion. I always try to give the benefit of the doubt, even though it has bitten me in the butt like a ravenous lion numerous times. Nevertheless, I feel I am a better person from it.

Yes, I am quite aware that the world is not filled with unicorns and rainbows and happy endings. The more I go through this journey, the more I see the dark side of this world, and it literally makes my heart hurt.

The book and movie “The Last Unicorn” has a line I think of often: “There are no happy endings, because nothing ends.”

 

 

 

That being said, you can still live as happily as you can.

Actually, let me rephrase that...

You can CHOOSE to live as happily as you can.

That usually means not being as selfish as you once were...

After all, Olaf in "Frozen" said it very well: "Love is... putting someone else's needs before yours."

 

 

I just love Olaf.

 

There is no denying that I had a great childhood. My brother and I were constantly filled with love and support from every possible angle. We NEVER saw our parents fight. We found out as adults, of course, they had their struggles and arguments, but it was NEVER within earshot of us.

Why?

Because they didn’t want us to see/hear that.

They always put their children first.

Some people would disagree and say that children need to see the fights and the hard times so they can go into the world as adults and know how to get by one way or another. Ok, I see what you’re saying. Children, when they are a certain older age, may benefit from seeing some arguments play out rationally.

RATIONALLY.

Honestly, as human beings, how often does that truly play out when it’s the heat of the moment? I can also see how, when they are a certain age, it would benefit the child to see the terrible things around them so they are aware of the possibility of people and things that can potentially hurt them. Understandable.

I’m all for teaching and guiding our children to be adults. That’s our job as parents.

BUT there is an age and a time for everything.

My bottom line:

Stop, look and listen! Take a breather.

Take a snapshot of your life as an intelligent adult.

If you say, “I’m a good person.”  Can you be better?

If you say, “I do what I can in my marriage/relationship.” Can you connect more?

If you say, “I’m doing the best I can with ______”…. Take a good hard look.

Are you?

Don’t misunderstand me. I am not in ANY WAY saying I am perfect.

I have flaws. So do you.

However, we need to learn and listen to the world around us and to each other individually.

I’m not saying to TAKE everyone’s advice or  to “do what everyone is doing”. However, you can make some observations of your own. If something is working for one parent, (or a bunch of parents!) then maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try it! Or at least with your own spin on it!

I’m also not saying don’t think for yourselves. That would be ludicrous. I’m saying just listen to others and be open-minded enough to try something new and grow from it.

We are all a work in progress. I know that every day we are learning more (as we should) and every day we become a little wiser.

There is always room for growth whether you are a teenager or you’re 100 years old. You simply have to make the conscious choice.

 

Take a good hard look at yourself.

 

It can be difficult, but if you do it honestly it is humbling and rewarding.

 

Choose to be as positive as you can be around children. They will thrive on it. Discipline them when they need it, provide boundaries they will grow from, and be as kind and loving to EVERYONE around them as much as you possibly can.

 

I just read a Facebook poll “Which Dungeons and Dragons class are you?” – (Don’t judge me! :P)

 

“You are driven by your faith or religion, and are not afraid to fight for it. You live by a strict set of rules and standards and try to be an example to others."

 

Be that example!

At least, MOST of the time!!!

So, stop for a moment and listen. Breathe. Look around.

Life is so fragile. JUMP at the chance to be positive, even in difficult times.

Our children are our future. What do you want our future to be for them? Or their children? Or their children’s children?

If you read until this point, thank you for sticking with me.

Obviously, I think very passionately about this subject. I hope you do, too.