Oregon Coast, sigh...

Thankfully, we live near enough to the Pacific Ocean that we can visit it from time to time. I love the beach.

We try and have a mini vacation at the coast at least once a year. Past two years we went for my birthday/Valentines Day in February. Winter months are obviously more wet and damp, but the rates are fabulous and the storms are worth watching!

This year, James and I got to go (wait for it) ALONE.. (GASP!) for our 10-year wedding anniversary. Oh, it was so relaxing and wonderful! Yes, we did feel guilty leaving the girls, but Grandma Janis, my mother-in-law, (who was awesome enough to fly all the way from Northern Nevada to watch the girls) constantly updated us with phone pics, videos and texts. That made it easier to let go for a while. :)

We stayed at the Inn at Spanish Head in Lincoln City, Oregon. Arriving to our hotel room, we were welcomed with rose petals sprinkled on the bed and chilled champagne in the refrigerator. 

The weather was not too chilly. In fact, it was too hot in the hotel room on the first day we stayed there, and it wasn't from us! heh heh
We opened up the windows and listened to the waves crashing on the shore right under us.

It was so nice to have room service and enjoy each other again. Our marriage has been quite strained since the birth of our newborn in October. A lot of arguments followed stemming from fatigue, illness, melancholy, feeling of being unattractive mixed with the feeling of helplessness, loneliness, getting used to new routines and a new BODY in the house... dichotomy of sorrow mixed with total happiness. I know that seems like a paradox. But it was such a roller coaster of both extremes. 

Since our mini-vacation, I feel like we have found each other again. Not just lovers but friends again. It was almost like a second honeymoon. We'll definitely be going back.

How Lucky We Really Are... (aka: Instant Gratification)

People whine too much. Okay, let me start over by saying *I* whine too much. Yes I whine. It's human nature to whine and God knows I have done my fair share of it. I like to get my way, who doesn't? Being brought up a spoiled, yet polite, girl, I want what I want when I want it.

However

If we really take a deep breath, step back and take a look at our lives, we find that we usually have all we really need. ("Princess and the Frog" even states that, thank you, Disney.)

For example, I complain about this that and the other thing, but in reality, all the pros outweigh the cons. By uncountable measures.
I have a beautiful family, a loving goober of a husband for 10 years, two gorgeous/smart daughters, a roof over my head, food in the fridge, cars to drive, gas in the cars, jobs to get to complain about (LOL I really do love my job), friends to complain *to* not *about*. Financially we are a little better off than we were last year, a lot better off than we were 10 years ago and WAY better off than some families in other countries.

Yet I will always complain about what I cannot have at the exact moment I want it. No instant gratification. My wantings may wane over time and I may not want whatever it is anymore. Isn't that the irony?

We are so immersed in a culture of instant gratification that we expect nothing less. And when something doesn't go our way at that same moment, it's hard to let it ride out.

All's Quiet on the Western Front

I think life has balanced out. My parents aren't as fruit loopy; my dad even apologized to James. Thanks God. We don't need family drama. Let's hold off on that until the girls are teenagers, please. ha!

James and I are doing well. In fact, May 6th will be our TEN YEAR Anniversary..... TEN YEARS!!!!
Makes us wonder where the time went. You can't help but to reminisce on time rushed by.
I'll post some of my memories later...

We are going to the Oregon Coast for two nights. I still don't know how that was arranged. Act of God, I suppose. LOL I already feel guilty leaving the girls but I know they are in capable hands of Grandma Janis. (James' Mom) It will be nice to sleep in and have an romantic, intimate moment or two with my hubby. With two girls in tow, those moments seem to be few and far between at times. But it's getting better.

Like in the Beatles sang "It's getting better all the time.....Better better beeeeeetttttteerrrrr..."

Okay, seriously...

So you would think that after my last blog things would quiet down some.

Not really.

You know, come to think of it, yesterday was a full moon. I have not had this many negative things happen to me in such a short span of time.

I count my blessings, you can be sure about that.

We have a five year old Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. Her name is Charlottetown Romance, or "Romi" for short. She looks gorgeous and her temperament is mellow. She was born in England, became a show dog and a breeding bitch for two litters. We adopted her from the breeder in November of 2008 when she was 4.

To sum Cavaliers up, they are the most easy-to-love dogs. Mellow and loving. Unfortunately, they are known to be plagued with health problems, especially after they reach 5 years old. Heart, eye, hip and brain problems; they can get it all - even with immaculate breeding.

Well, yesterday, Romi came up to me and placed her paw on my foot. I know she is smart, but I found that to be a bit more needy than she usually gets. Something didn't seem right from the beginning. She started to shake and crouch down, like she was going to vomit. I kept saying her name over and over. Being a veterinary technician, I have seen my share of seizures, and this was definitely one of them. Her eyes rolled in the back of her head and she seemed to stare away, never responsive to my efforts to talk her through it.

I held her for a while on the floor, knowing that seizures usually last 2-3 minutes. 10-15 minutes later, I started to be frightened. I tried to let her walk, but she stumbled around in circles all the while tilting her head to the side. That symptom usually is attributed to something wrong with the brain.

Wonderful.

This whole time baby Tara was hanging out in her highchair, as happy as can be. What a good baby!

Needless to say, we rushed her into my work and did bloodwork right away.

Normal. Her bloodwork came back normal, but our lab and doublechecked by an outside lab company.

Now she is resting comfortably and is acting like nothing traumatic ever happened. We can only wait and see if it happens again. If it does, then it possibly means a brain tumor.

I am so done with drama.

Ready for Drama?!?.. Super Drama...?!?

There has been so much drama lately!!
I will be surprised if I don't end up with an ulcer or two at the end of the week.

Let's see:

• First, the most important one~

Today, my older daughter, Tabitha (6 1/2) was watching my baby, Tara (6 mos) for me while I threw away a poopy diaper and washed my hands. Tara was lying in the middle of the bed (like she usually is) and Tabitha, being a very attentive big sister, wanted to watch her while I was cleaning up. This has happened many times, so I thought nothing of it. However, this time while I was washing my hands I hear:

"MOM! SISTER FELL ON THE FLOOR!"

Naturally, I think I misheard her and said "WHAT?!"

Tabitha said the same thing and I went running down the hallway, shaking.
Tabitha was lifting her up on the bed and Tara was screaming.

Upon investigation, Tabi was looking down the hallway to see what I was doing and Tara, curious to where her sister went to, was wiggling herself to try and get a look at Tabitha. She wiggled herself off the bed.
I hate to admit it, but I thought maybe Tabitha was lying about her "just falling". Maybe she was trying to play with her, I thought. Since Tabitha was quite persistent with her story, I decided to conduct my own experiment.

I placed Tara exactly where I had her. I had Tabitha talk to her from the hallway. Tara arched her back to try and see where her big sister went off to and, sure enough, wiggled far down. Far enough that maybe one leg just happened to fall first, then gravity took over.

Long story short (too late, lol), Tara seems fine and Tabitha is extremely shaken, which is rightfully so. I told her that being a big sister means to always watch over Tara, not just some of the time.

• Second~

My parents live across the street from us, which is both a blessing and a curse. My brother is moving, so he is collecting odds and ends that either we or my parents stored for him in our garages. We also happened to make use out of his Xbox 360 Game System for over a year now. We knew he'd want it back eventually, and that was no problem. At about 7:30pm my father called us saying that my brother would probably come and get the Xbox a little later in the evening. My husband, James, said, "Ok, but not after
9pm, since we just put down the girls and Amy and I will probably be asleep by
then."

About 10 mins later my father called back. I answered the phone this time.
"Can I talk to your husband?" he asked, with slight demand in his tone. For some reason, I knew it wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation.

He told James that since he was shocked and appalled by the way he so abruptly ended his previous conversation, he will be over right away to get the Xbox.

Fine.

He came over, very aggravated. I said, "I don't understand what the problem is."

He said to James, "The problem is that you don't know how to talk to people... sir!"

At this point, I am floored since I truly don't understand why he is upset.

"You people obviously don't do stuff for family. James could have offered to
bring over the Xbox since time was such an issue."

In hindsight, I should have said, you know, "I
didn't even think to bring it over. We literally just put down both girls, we've
had a long, exhausting day, James is still toiling over math homework.... so
sorry we didn't think of stopping what we were doing to bring over the precious
Xbox!"
Of course, I wouldn't have said it rudely, nevertheless you always
think of good things to say AFTER the initial argument!

I said, "Ok, I think everyone needs to calm down now. We've had a long day, I am sure you've had a long day."

He cut me off saying, "Yeah, I've been up since 3am."

"Well, there you go!" I chortled back.

"I'M FINE!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, it sounds like you are. Feel better!" I said as he walked out of our house.

"I'm fine!" he repeated as he trailed off.

It has been 2 days and I have yet talked with my dad, although I called and talked with my mom. She said that everyone has calmed down now, but it seemed to them that he was very abrupt with his "9pm" rule.

Of course! We don't even like phone calls after 9pm!

"But we're family," my mom rebuttals.

Seriously. She trying to pull the family card over something so trivial? Sigh.

They are my parents, and I love them deeply, however I am on James' side for this one.

• Lastly~

I feel that James and I periodically bring up the SAME argument. Apparently, according to him, I sit around the house all day and nothing gets done.

Then, when I honestly want to talk about it more and take his criticism, he gets defensive and says "I can't talk to you about this. You can't take my criticism."

Crap crappity crap crap.

I truly don't understand why it seems to him that nothing gets done. In my defense, I am dealing with a baby who does not sleep. And I am sorry, but is it wrong that if she does happen to have a nap in the morning, I take advantage of the "me time" (which I never get.) and either try to nap myself or play games, write on my blog or chat on Facebook?

I feel that majority of the things in this house do, in fact, get done.

In the morning, I have to hurry up and get Tabi's lunch ready for school, get Tabi's breakfast, brew the tea for everyone, make sure her clothes are ready, brush her hair, get Tara's diaper changed if she's up (and she usually is) then get her formula, then feed her breakfast, and get Tabi on her bus and off to school.

During the day, (and not necessarily every single day) I manage to sweep, then swiffer, then mop, vacuum, laundry, dust, clean bathrooms including toilets, clean dishes, put dishes away, clean cat litter (and with 3 cats, one being 18 yrs old, there is almost always an 'accident'.) all the while I have a baby who I need to feed and entertain constantly. Before long, Tabitha gets off the bus, and two times a week we have to hurry up and get to swim class.

Not to belittle the fact that I have no adults to talk to, can get into a funk, get frustrated when baby doesn't sleep or Tabi is extra talkative or my parents make me want to pull my hair out... and honestly, I am truly ok with all this as long as I am treated right for it. Give credit when credit is due.

I appreciate James working hard during the day and going to class to achieve his dream of becoming a pilot. I support him 100%. James is awesome for helping with making dinners pretty often, as well. For all that, I always express my gratitude.

I guess I feel that everything seems to be about him, never about how I feel. If it starts out about how I am upset about something, for some reason, the argument flip flops and I end up being the bad guy.

Our 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up in a week. Maybe so much has happened so quickly that we are still trying to adjust? hmm... Maybe not.

Anyway, so here I am exhausted, but I try and keep a positive outlook on things. You have to.

Thank goodness writing is so cathartic!

"Valmont"

I am watching an interesting movie from 1989 called "Valmont". It has Henry Thomas in it! Yes, little (well, not so little anymore) Henry from "E.T." I knew I saw him somewhere, so I checked the Internet Movie Database.

Ok, I am a IMDB junkie.
For all who don't know:
http://www.imdb.com/

I can get stuck on it forever... you check one movie for actors, before you know it it's been 2 hours and you are reading up on minuscule actors from the 1980's.

Anyway, back to the movie. It's kinda cute. I am a sucker for historical films. Precious. Colin Firth plays the flirtatious Valmont, who has quite a Casanova-esque reputation. It's romantic, comedic and dramatic. Apparently it was nominated for Oscars at the time.

The actual synopsis is as follows:

"Set in Baroque France, a scheming widow and her lover make a bet regarding the corruption of a recently married woman. The lover, Valmont, bets that he can seduce her, even though she is an honorable woman. If he wins, he can have his lover to do as he will. However, in the process of seducing the married woman, Valmont falls in love. Based on the same novel as 'Dangerous Liaisons'."

The acting is well done and the costumes are to die for!!!!!
It's beautiful. Check it out. :)

Credit and all that

Credit is evil, honestly.

I think Shakespeare said it well when he said:
"Never a borrower or lender be."

Yes, don't get me wrong, I LOVE the feeling when you can purchase something on credit. You swipe your card, sign your name, take the item home and its yours. YAY

Then comes the bill.

For example, James and I are in the process of purchasing new wedding rings. Our ten-year anniversary is coming up in May and our first rings were given to us by his father. Yes, the original rings still hold sentimental significance, but they are simple -yet sweet- and now that ten years has flown by, we think we deserve something with a little more pizazz to it.

I am getting 1/2 carat,three stone diamond ring, which I can add an enhancer to later. VERY EXCITED.

James is shooting for a 24K White Gold band with Celtic knot work completely engraved around it. Gorgeous. But don't be surprised folks! His band is almost the same price as my diamonds! Yes, I don't get it either.

Anyway, we are very excited. And although this is something we have talked about this purchase for years, now we will have ANOTHER thing to pay on. Unwise choices in our past led us to at least somewhat understand money and its' dichotomy of good and evil. But now it's another thing to budget in monthly.

SIGH

We need to win the lottery.

SLEEP, BABY, SLEEP!

Ok, so food consumption doesn't matter. It's her teeth that hurt this time.

...SIGH...

Just when we started to be on a schedule or sorts...

... oh well...

I would LOVE to be sleeping right now, but I am letting her cry a bit in her crib. Sometimes she goes back to sleep on her own.

Meanwhile, I have discovered that she likes pears and sweet potatoes.

Despises rice cereal. I do, too. :P

Okay, crying turned into snorting, which means she will never go back to sleep.

Off I go...

See? I'm not kidding...

I told you.. sleep deprived.

This baby o' mine seems to like 3am. Why? Only she can tell me, and she's not talking.
We've been trying her on solids for the past week or so, which she very quick to show her disgust. "BLEH!"
"YUCK!"

It's so funny the sounds that come out of a five month old when they actually sound like the work "YUCK!"
I don't blame her. Rice cereal isn't exactly my favorite, either.

For a few days, she was on the schedule of falling asleep at 7pm, waking up at 5am, and two naps (which is unheard of!). Now she is back to waking up at 3am and little to no naps.

Thankfully, she is now sleeping soundly. She may do this for about one hour, wake herself up, then (HOPEFULLY) go back to sleep.

It's amazing how different children can be. You always here the old cliche that "Each child is different" and blah blah blah.
You hear it, ponder it, store it in your mind. But only when there is another child in the picture do you SEE IT and realize that "Yes! This is a completely different human being with completely different needs/wants."

Tabitha and Tara are SO different.

Tabitha is a deep sleeper. (Just like her father.)
You can vacuum on her face (literally, I've almost come close) and she is completely out in sleepy land.

Tara, on the other hand, is a light sleeper. (Just like her mother.)
She can hear a minuscule sound from a galaxy far, far away and awake with large, curious eyes as if to say "GASP! I totally heard that cough that the grasshopper made three blocks away. Well, since I'm up, I might as well stay up and ponder the universe. Oh yeah, and I'm bringing you with me!"

Being up at 3am has its benefits. I do a lot of deep thinking at 3am. You can't help it. I think a lot of people find they are most creative in the wee hours of the morning... poets, lyricists, the Artist Formerly Known as Prince...

As I am feeding and rocking my newborn back to sleep, I can't help but to think of the long laundry lists of things I have yet to accomplish with my life.

That, and what I need to get at the grocery store the next day, how my living room would look arranged differently, if we should get new bookcases, what flowers/vegetables I should buy for the backyard, remembering that I have to weed the front yard, remembering that Tabitha's 6 mos dentist appointment is coming up, how our credit score is doing, trying to motivate myself to work out in the morning, am I a good mother, will my children grow up to be serial killers, are they learning right from wrong, is everyone happy, am I happy, what to do with the million dollars should we win the lottery... the list seems never ending.

And then I find that my mind won't quiet down, as exhausted as I am, to fall back asleep.

I eventually succumb to slumber.

The alarm clock goes off at 5:30am. Time for James to get ready for work. He hits the snooze button once, maybe twice.. okay maybe even three times.
Forget it, I am awake again. There is no hope of sleeping at this point. Should I try and sleep? Of course, but I end up sitting there, cursing the damn, evil alarm clock under my breath. At least it has the sound of ocean waves and not in incessant "BEEP BEEP BEEP" that somehow weasels its' way into your dreams and makes you jump ten feet out of bed.

At this time, Tabitha stumbles down the hallway saying "Good morning, Mommy. I don't want to sleep anymore."
Okay, I might as well get up, start breakfasts, get Tabi's lunchbox and school clothes ready for the day. If Tara's crying and awake by this time, I need to hustle and do everything as fast as I possibly can without a baby in tow.

Then I get Tara up, change her diaper, get bottle ready, etc.

Then Tabitha's bus comes at 7:30am. Off she goes to (hopefully) be all that she can be.

I breathe a sigh of relief that the hectic morning hustle is over with and hope that the baby has a morning nap so I may have a moment to myself.

~~DRAMA~~

Why do people who have the ugliest hearts get the farthest in life?

Isn't that the question for the ages?

Seriously, is it just because they are master manipulators? Or is it just that people find them so abrasive that they don't want a conflict to arise, so they give in and give them what they want?

I recently came upon this dilemma.

I have been employed at a veterinary clinic for 5 years now. Showing them my desire to learn and my work ethics, I worked my way up from receptionist to Vet Technician. I felt I was a well-respected employee. Utilizing my seniority, before the birth of our second child, I took myself down to working one day a week; no one likes to work Saturdays, so I knew it would be perfect.
Shortly after returning from my maternity leave, a co-worker and good friend (so I thought) seemed to have changed her feelings toward me. She starting lying not just to me, but to my superiors. Since I am not around Monday through Friday to defend myself against slanderous rumors, my superiors went on believing the evil co-worker without coming to the source.
Long story short (too late), I was demoted back to where I was before-receptionist. They said that they wanted a technician with more experience for busy, fast paced Saturdays, even though it hasn't been a problem in 3 years. So I am back to answering the phones, smiling and filing. But hey, I guess I don't need all the drama, right?

Heartbroken and disenchanted, I almost feel like they should just fire me.

That said, feelings around the clinic seem to show that no one truly believes her, no one really likes her (off and on) yet they all tolerate her since they don't want a show-down at the O.K Corral.

Part of me thinks she may be jealous of a new friendship from a co-worker who started just before I left for maternity leave. Lindsey and I are the same age, we have a lot in common and a lot of life parallels. For some reason, I feel like I have known her for a long time.
Every Saturday, I feel negative vibrations from the ex-friend co-worker, like Crepuscular sun rays, or in this instance, like wavy stink lines, streaming from her being. I don't know why someone would be such a negative person for no reason at all. Oh, I am sure there is a reason in her devious mind.

This is the exact reason why I never had many girl friends growing up. They all back stab you in some shape or form.

One of my good friends, Teresa, puts it like this: "I hate it when 'friends' get weird. As a general rule, I have few but GOOD ones."
(I love her!)

So I guess she doesn't have it all. You can tell that she is a tormented soul for reasons only known to her. I am the one with a complete family, rich with happiness. After post-demotion anxiety and much soul-searching, I am (relatively) at peace with it all. "It is what it is" has become my motto. I hope she finds peace in life. And a better attitude.

Karma is a real thing.

First Post - Our Life in a Nutshell

Okay, so here goes nothing. Just starting this. I figure, if any unskilled person can do this, then certainly I can. Ha! Anyway.

My name is Amy Wood. I am a thirty year old, blond haired, blue-eyed wife of (almost)10 years and mother of two daughters ages 5 mos and 6 years. I have lived near Portland, Oregon for 6 years now, since our eldest daughter was 2 mos old. (October of 2003.)
I love it here. I love the weather. I love being near the ocean and the mountains. I love that we live in a suburban area, yet we are close enough to a metropolitan city so I don't go completely crazy.

Newest things in my life: a newborn. How new can ya get?
Trying to adapt to her as she's trying to adapt to us. I seem to have blocked out all (or most) of what we went through with our first child. Maybe my subconscious did it on purpose. Either way, I feel like I am doing everything for the second time, the first time. sigh. We'll muddle through somehow.

Tara just turned 5 mos old yesterday and cut her first teeth (yes two at once) today. She's not the happiest of campers, but she continues to keep smiling through it with her large, Bambie doe eyes and batting her long, sweet eyelashes. She cracks us up on a daily basis. I am supposed to be trying to catch up on sleep right now, but for some odd reason, decided to start a blog. HA! It'll be my own fault when I am dragging butt and exhausted later.

Tabitha is six years old. Getting sassy in her old age, she is constantly try to show us who is boss. She is in second grade. She is finally coming into her own after a very challenging and aggravating few years. In preschool, her teachers suspected that she may have Autism or a spectrum of it. After months of testing and psychologists, she was never diagnosed with anything other than Emotional Disturbance Disorder. EDD is when kids can have very sudden mood changes, inappropriate behavior since they cannot grasp how to cope with social situations. For example, a child at school was growling in her face so she punched him! I can't say that I wouldn't necessarily had done the same, but in any case, still inappropriate. She gets overwhelmed by too many people, loud noises, bright lights... basically she gets overstimulated. You can imagine how her recess time is! Her outbursts range from throwing, screaming, hiding, to kicking. Sometimes, a part of me still feels like she has a touch of Autism to whatever small degree, but whatever it is, she is getting better at her coping skills and we are getting better at learning what triggers her meltdowns. I have noticed fairly recently that if she doesn't eat breakfast right away in the morning, she is swift to have attitude, then that sets the tone for all day! Quickly after she eats, she is a whole different child. Very compliant, well-mannered little lady. Despite her problems, she is getting better every day, or so it seems. :)

My husband, James, and I have been married for 10 years, but dating for 13. I love him to the moon and back. We're best friends. However, since the birth of our newborn, I have felt quite a strain on our marriage. I think it's getting better as Tara gets older and we all start to settle into routines. I knew it would be more difficult having two children, but I never believed it to be this challenging. James works for the State of Oregon and he's gone back to school to get his Private Pilot's License, which is something he has dreamed about achieving his whole life. Knowing how much it means to him, I am happily giving him 100% of my support. Unfortunately, I just feel it couldn't have come at a more ill-opportune time.
He started back to school weeks before Tara was born. Of course, that meant that with all the sleep deprived challenges of a newborn baby and all the stress involved, he also brought upon himself classes along with his regular work life. By the time he gets home from work/school, he's so exhausted so he plays his online computer games as a stress-reliever. Well, I don't mind him playing games, but sometimes I feel like the girls and I never get to see him even though we're in the same house. I get tired of nagging, and I am sure he is tired of me nagging, too. When he plays after the girls go to sleep, that's perfect, as long as it's not for 3+ hours every night. I know I am not the only wife who nags about game-playing.
I love and respect him for what he does... puts in long hours, he's trying to better himself at school, he puts up with my crap.. yeah, I'm a little high maintenance. (OK, I put up with his crap, too. Ha!)
He does an awesome job at helping with cooking/dish duty stuff. I have the most appreciation and gratitude for him. Maybe I just don't feel the same feelings back.

So I guess I need a hobby, too. The stress-reliever kind that doesn't take up too much time since I am at the beck-and-call of a newborn 24/7 and double the fun when Tabitha gets home from school in the afternoon.
I need something other than eating whatever I get my hands on and watching TV.
I have always wanted to write a book, so I thought I'd start small and blog a bit.
We'll see where it takes me.